BULLYING AT SCHOOL
The aim of this page is to give parents advice about bullying at schools. First though, here comes the obligatory disclaimer!
The information contained on this page is based upon the experiences and views of the author. It should not be taken as legal advice. Readers are advised to form their own opinions, and to seek the advice of a qualified legal professional before acting upon any information give on this page.
With that out of the way, here goes...
It would be wonderful to live in a world where bullying doesn't exist, but we all know somebody who has either been bullied, or who has bullied somebody else.
Bullying has always existed, but it's easy to think that it has gotten worse. Undeniably, social media has made it harder for victims of bullying to escape from bullying behaviour, as it allows it to continue even when the victim is not physically present. Once upon a time, people might have talked about you behind your back but you'd have been none-the-wiser. Now, they are as likely to post their thoughts/comments about you online, from where they are easily shared and seen by a large audience.
Bullying in schools can be a particular issue, as the victims (young people) do not yet have fully-developed coping mechanisms for the stresses in life. Fortunately, most school pupils are well behaved, but it can only take a small minority to cause big problems.
Now, the aim of this page is NOT to "sell" our Karate classes, so I'll make one - and only one - comment about them here. Karate can massively boost a young person's self-confidence (it also does wonders for adults, too), and it also teaches important self-defence skills. If you would like more information about our classes, please click here.
Despite my love of (and belief in) Karate, it cannot be the answer to every one of life's problems, so below is some more information about what you can do if your son/daughter is being bullied.
What is bullying?
Bullying can take many forms, including physical, verbal abuse and "cyber-bullying" (bullying via text message and/or the internet). Regardless of it's form, bullying is unacceptable.
Is bullying illegal?
Bullying is not a specific criminal offence, but many forms of bullying could constitute criminal offences. Examples include assault, some types of harassing and/or threatening behaviour, and the sending of malicious communications.
What should I do if my son/daughter is being bullied?
Young people who are being bullied are often reluctant for their parents to become involved, preferring either to hope the bullying stops of its own accord, or to try to "sort things out" on their own.
The decision about when a parent should become involved is obviously a personal one, however I would strongly recommend that parents become involved at an early stage. Why do I recommend this? Bullies will rarely stop just because their victim has asked them to, and if your son r daughter's plan is to "wait it out" until the bully gets bored, they could be in for a very long wait indeed. Furthermore, when a bully suddenly leaves one victim alone, this is often because they've simply moved onto bullying a new victim. If their bullying behaviour against one victim has been overlooked by school staff, chances are it will be with the next victim too, so its in everyone's interests to ensure it is resolved quickly.
So, how to proceed?
Firstly, I would strongly advise against a parent speaking directly to the bully, as it is very easy for allegations to be made by the bully, and suddenly the parent who was innocently trying to sort things out can be accused of being a bully (or worse) themselves.
Sometimes it can be helpful to have a conversation with a parent of the bully, particularly if you know them well. For example, when children become friends, their parents often do too, and when children go on to have a fall-out (for whatever reason, including one starting to exhibit bullying behaviour), parents can often help with addressing inappropriate behaviour and getting the friendship back on track.
That said, I would advise against speaking to a parent directly if you do not know them at all, or if you if you are unsure if your own personal safety might be compromised by doing so. In this case, leave it to the school to deal with.
The next step (or the first step, if you've decided against speaking to the parents of the bully) would be to report the bullying to your child's school.
I would advise that parents personally make the report to the school with their child, rather than letting their son/daughter do it alone. I hear many stories of parents who feel their child has been "fobbed off" by school staff (sadly, responses like "don't tell tales" are still extremely common), but my experience is that parents will often get a better outcome when when making the allegations themselves.
Incidentally, bullying outside school should also be reported to school staff.
Schools should address bullying at the earliest opportunity, and not allow it to escalate to the point where a student suffers emotional or physical distress. Schools should also support the bullied child, not the bully.
New search powers included in the Education Act 2011 have given teachers stronger powers to tackle cyber-bullying (via text message or the internet) by providing a specific power to search for an image on a mobile phone if it is likely to be used to cause harm.
How should the school deal with bullying?
Schools must have a behaviour policy in place, and this should detail the rules which students are expected to follow, and the overall standard of behaviour that is expected of pupils. The policy must include measures to prevent bullying amongst pupils, and it should also state what will happen if students breach any of the rules, or behave in a way which is not consistent with the policy's expectations.
If your child is being bullied, you should ask for a copy of the school's behaviour policy, so you know exactly how the school should be dealing with your allegations of bullying. Schools must publish this policy online, so check the school's website for it. The Head Teacher must also bring it to your attention at least once every school year.
The behaviour policy is shaped by the governing body's written statement of general principles on behaviour, and when making or reviewing this statement, the governing body must consult with parents. This means that if you don't feel the policy is working, you are able to make representations to the governing body about it, with a view to it potentially being changed or properly enforced.
If your child is in an Academy, the the situation is similar, but not quite as ideal. Like schools, academies must have a behaviour policy, and should also write (and put into action) anti-bullying strategies. The governing body must also ensure that there is a written policy to promote good behaviour, and this should detail the sanctions which should take place if pupils misbehave. Whilst an academy’s behaviour policy must be made available to parents and prospective parents, they are not required to consult parents on the behaviour policy (though they may choose to do so).
Don't be fobbed-off, by being told by a school that there's "nothing they can do". Teachers have a legal power to discipline pupils for misbehaviour, or breaches of the school rules. In some circumstances, this legal power also applies to misbehaviour outside school.
In serious cases, where bullying might constitute a specific criminal offence, we would also advise parents to make a report with the police, who may be in a position to carry out their own investigation.
What should I do if my child's school is not following/enforcing their behaviour policy?
If your child's school is not enforcing their behaviour policy (e.g. by sanctioning students who are bullying other students), you should speak to the head teacher in the first instance. If you cannot resolve the matter with the head teacher then you can make a formal complaint to the school’s governing body. You must ensure that you follow the process set out in the school’s complaints procedure.
Your child’s school must have a published complaints procedure – this is usually available from the school office.
Formal written complaints should be held on-file by the school, and may be requested by OFSTED during an inspection, so it is in the school's best interests to ensure that a formal complaint is properly addressed.
What can I do if my child's school is still not preventing my child from being bullied?
Where the governing body or local authority has (a) failed to carry out a duty, and/or (b) has acted unreasonably in the performance of a duty, and/or (c) has failed to exercise a power, the Secretary of State for Education can intervene (and if necessary issue a direction), but it would be rare for complaints to reach this stage, and it may also be time-consuming. Note that you must have completed the local complaints process before the Secretary of State can consider your case.
Can my child take time off school because of bullying?
It is understandable when a student doesn't want to go to school because they are being bullied. Bullying can trigger the so-called "fight or flight" response, and the bullying victim will avoid going into a situation or setting which might put them at risk.
Unfortunately, taking time off school (unless for a reason the school considers valid) can result in parents being issued a penalty notice or even prosecuted for their child's non-attendance. Some schools will be sympathetic, while others may take a less understanding view. It would therefore be best to speak to your child's school before keeping them off school.
If you keep your child off school due to them being bullied, it is important to speak to the school as soon as possible. Be honest with them about why your child is off school so they can investigate the situation. Let the school know that although you are willing to work with them, your child does not feel safe (physically and/or emotionally) at the current point in time.
The school will, no doubt, try to encourage you to get your child to come to school. We would strongly advise you to trust your own instincts about whether that is the best way forwards, or outline conditions which you feel need to be met first.
Can my child's GP help?
It is VERY important to support your child's emotional needs. If they are feeling very low and you are worried then speak to your GP, as they may be able to refer your child for counselling.
How can I reassure my child?
Let your child know that you are there for them, and will support them no matter what. Giving them this level of reassurance will help to give them the strength they need to cope, and will help them to feel empowered.
Your child may feeling a range of different emotions if they are being bullied. These might include sadness, anxiety, fear, depression, anger, or even suicidal thoughts. You can help them by explaining that these types of feeling are normal and understandable, and encourage them to express how they feel so they do not bottle up their feelings.
For children expressing that they are having suicidal thoughts, we would strongly recommend making an appointment with their GP as a matter of urgency.
Where can we (as parents) get further support?
When a child is being bullied, it can be traumatic for their parents, too. Do discuss the situation with anyone in your own support network and if you need further advice or support, you could also contact Bullying UK by calling them on 0808 800 2222.
Can my child strike another child (the bully) in self defence?
OK, so let's address the "elephant in the room"! It is a well-established principle of English Common Law that a person is entitled to use "reasonable force" to defend themselves against attack. A person may even defend themselves or others in certain circumstances by the use of "pre-emptive" force. Although Common Law is unwritten, it is accepted that if you had an "honestly held belief" that you or another are in imminent danger, then you may use such force as is "reasonable and necessary" to avert the danger.
Having said this, the use of physical force (even in self-defence) may well be against a school's behaviour policy, and could result in the bullied person being sanctioned in some way.
Now, we can debate the rights and wrongs of this all day long but, when our daughter was at school, we personally gave her permission to use reasonable force against any student who put her at imminent risk of physical danger, with the promise that we would always back her up providing she had done so in self-defence. We appreciate that not all parents would be comfortable with making their child this promise,
Get in touch with your Local Authority as they may be able to provide practical support through the Education Welfare Officer. They can often make a big difference so children can go back into school quickly and with the continued support they need. They will most likely come up with a plan that everyone is in agreement with to help your child feel more supported.
If this doesn't make a difference you can speak to Ofsted and make a complaint about how things are being dealt with. This should be the last resort if you are unable to come up with a plan or agreement on phasing your child back into school.
It can be really distressing for families to find out that the bullying is still continuing even after involving the school. At this point, you may have sought assistance from the class teacher, onto the head teacher and the chair of governors.
This article provides you with the next steps you can take if you have complained to the school and they have not been able to resolve the bullying.
Contact the governors about bullying
After a written complaint to the head, the next step is to contact the chair of governors. You can get their name from the school office. Write to them at the school address. Explain the background and enclose any letters between you and the head. Ask for an immediate investigation. It's unlikely that all governors will be made aware of your complaint.
This is because many issues are dealt with as 'Chair's Action' and the chair may hope to get the matter resolved with the head teacher quickly. The other reason not all governors will be made aware of the complaint is because the matter may escalate into an exclusion of the bully. If that happens the bullied child's parents will have a right of appeal and there need to be some governors without prior knowledge of the case.
Complaining to the Local Education Authority
If this doesn't work, the next step is for you to make a formal complaint to the Local Education Authority (LEA) and ask for an investigation to be carried out and a report issued. Their aim is to foster good relations between families and schools and will help them work together to get things resolved.
In fairness to LEAs, it should be said that where pupils are removed from one school to another due to bullying the LEA would not necessarily know about the problem unless parents tell them. They do not need to be involved in a school transfer unless there is an appeal for a place.
You may want to ask the LEA if other complaints of bullying have been reported to them involving the same school. You can ask if the education welfare officer has been involved. They have to visit pupils whose parents have removed them and who are at home. This may prompt the LEA into asking if the school has a problem if there have been a series of complaints.
Taking matters further
Local Government Ombudsman - If you do not feel that your concerns have been properly investigated, you can complain to the Local Government Ombudsman - who cannot investigate the internal workings of schools but can look at the LEA's role in investigating your complaint.
Your local Member of Parliament - We would encourage you to get in touch with your MP and ask them for some assistance and support. If you are unsure who your MP is, please click here and enter your details and it will let you know who your MP is.
Secretary of State - Your final recourse is to the Secretary of State, at Sanctuary Buildings, Great Smith Street, Westminster, London or at the DFE, Castle View House, East Lane, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2GJ where your complaint will be dealt with by the Pupils and Parents branch. Officials can only order action to be taken if your child is still a pupil at the school, so if he/she has been removed, there is unlikely to be anything the Secretary of State will do.
Red Balloon - If you feel your child has suffered the trauma of bullying and may find it difficult to return to mainstream school, you may want to find out more about Red Balloon. They provide an 'intensive care' full-time education for children aged between 9 and 18 who are unable to go to school because they have been severely bullied or who have suffered trauma. Moving schools because of bullying could be a last resort option to consider.
Moving school if you are being bullied
moving school because of bullying
Moving schools is not always the answer. You might think that it would be a good idea to move to a new school if you're being bullied but the reality is that there is bullying in all schools, although some deal with it better than others.
All the best schools are already full and it is not always the case that you will get preferential treatment to get into a good school because you're being bullied, or because you're staying at home due to bullying.
You may end up being allocated to a less popular school and less popular often means poorer exam results and discipline problems.
There are often long waiting lists for the best schools and although your parents can appeal to the local council for a place, there's no guarantee you would get one.
Other things to consider are:
the new school may be further away and inconvenient and expensive to get to
the cost of the new uniform
it may be difficult to settle into a class where everyone already has friends
the school may use a different exam board so the coursework could be different
could the problem be resolved with the input of the governors and LA?
missing current friends
do the bullies also have friends at the new school?
If you still want to change school then you simply contact the new one, arrange to have a look around, and if you like it then you agree a start date between you. Things are more complicated if the new school is full. In that case you will need to get an appeal form from the Local Authority. Church schools have their own appeal arrangements. Sometimes, if your reason for moving is good enough, and the school is not over-full, the LA will simply agree to the transfer without an appeal.
Making an appeal
Otherwise, parents have to go before an appeal panel where the LA has to make the case that the pupils already at the school will be more disadvantaged by having your child on roll than your child will be by not being given a place. Usually these schools are not just full, they are hugely over-full and you can't expect that every appeal will be successful.
To give the best chance, it's helpful to have copies of letters to the head teacher, governors and LEA and from your doctor to show that you really have done all you can to try to sort the problem out.
If you simply remove your child and then hope the fact they are not at school will be a lever to getting them into the school of your choice, you're likely to be disappointed. The best schools are always full and have waiting lists and your child is likely to be allocated to a less popular school with vacancies. Less popular often means poorer exam results and discipline.
Why moving school is not always the best option
Although some pupils move schools successfully we know of many others who find it difficult to settle in, who find bullying is still a problem and who end up feeling isolated. If your child moves to another school mid term, encourage them to invite other pupils home so that they have the chance to build up some good friendships.
If your child is transferring from primary school and you're worried that he/she may have continuing problems with bullies, contact the head of first year at the secondary school before the end of the summer term and explain the problem. Ask if your child can be put into a different form away from anyone who has been bullying him/her.
Secondary schools are normally very helpful because they don't want pupils to have a difficult start to their new school life.
Advice on contacting your child's school about bullying
Helpful information on what steps you can take
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In the first instance, at a primary or junior school, see the class teacher and explain your worries in a friendly non-confrontational way. Here are some questions that we suggest you consider:
Ask how your child is getting on with others in class and raise any issues of conflict with other children.
Ask if the teacher has noticed that your child seems unhappy and isolated and is being excluded from games in the playground or regularly not having a partner to work with in class.
Ask the class teacher, or the head of year at secondary school, if he/she can keep an eye on the situation and let you know if they have any concerns.
Ask what the teacher suggests would be the best way of sorting it out. At a primary school perhaps the supervisors could take a more active role in the playground by keeping an eye on your child and ensuring that people are not excluded from games.
Ask the school if they would consider introducing "friendship seats" or a "buddy bench" if they don’t already, where younger children can go if they have nobody to play with. Other pupils can ask them to join their games and the supervisors can spot whether one child is on their own too often.
Secondary schools
Secondary schools may not be aware that there are some areas of the school pupils feel unsafe, the toilets often come into this category.
By telling the head of year where the bullying is happening, supervision can be increased so that the bullies are caught red handed, meaning that your child can't be accused of telling tales.
At this stage it can be helpful to try to increase your child's circle of friends, by inviting a number of children home regularly, to forge stronger friendships.
If bullying continues
Keep a diary of what your child says is happening. This should include dates, times and details of the incident together with any witnesses
Write a note to the class teacher or head of year, explaining that the problem is still unresolved and ask for their support in helping to tackle this.
Suggest that contact between the bully and your child is monitored and limited, perhaps by the bully moving to another table or set
Ask for your letter to be put onto your child's school file, together with a note of action taken. You can ask to see a copy of your child’s record to ensure that these have been accurately recorded although you will probably have to pay for copying charges
Ask for a follow-up meeting after a couple of weeks to discuss how things are going
That often does the trick, but if not, it's time to write to the head teacher, outlining everything that has gone on, and including evidence from the diary to back up your complaint. You also have the option of copying this to the Board of Governors. Putting a complaint in writing is essential so that there is a record of your concern and this puts the situation on a more formal footing.
Schools have a duty of care, and allowing a child to be continually bullied when the school has been alerted to the problem could be seen as a breach of that duty.
Schools have a variety of sanctions they can use including
A warning
Calling the bully's parents in to school
Detention
Internal exclusion within school
Fixed term exclusion
Permanent exclusion
If bullying is happening in the changing rooms, in the corridors or playground then ask for supervision to be increased. If the school says it does not have the resources then explain that you are not asking for all the children to receive increased supervision, only the bully.
Ask for a copy of your complaint to the head teacher to be answered in writing and for a copy of it to be put onto your child's school file with a note of action taken.
If the school asks you to go in to discuss the matter, then try to take a partner or friend with you for a bit of moral support. Make notes of the points you want to make beforehand and be firm and polite. Don't get into an argument.
After each visit send a letter to the school outlining the points of the meeting and action you have been told they will be taking.
You can complain to the police if your child has been assaulted at school. Police forces in the UK have school liaison officers who are experienced at dealing with school-related issues.
The age of criminal responsibility in England and Wales in 10 and if the attacker is younger than this the police will probably not be able to do anything. However, they are often very good at warning bullies off in front of their parents.
Attacks by older pupils may result in cautions or prosecution, particularly if injury is involved.
Bullying UK hears from children who are either suicidal now, or who have been in the past on a regular basis. Some of those pupils are receiving psychiatric or psychological help or counselling.
If your child is particularly unhappy then take them to the doctor so that their distress can be recorded and if appropriate, medication or counselling can be started. A letter from your doctor to the school stressing the effect bullying is having on your child's health can also be helpful. Some children self-harm due to the stress of bullying and signs of this could be not wanting to wear short sleeved tops or preferring to wear trousers even in the hottest weather. Please be aware that there are a number of very dangerous self-harm 'advice' websites on the internet and teenage girls in particular are at risk of being targeted by adults in them.
Warning of prosecution
If your child is taking time off school you're likely to be warned you may face prosecution unless you are teaching them at home. Unfair though it may be, keeping a child at home due to bullying is considered to be an unauthorised absence.
Children staying at home in these cases are regarded as truants or an unauthorised absence and there has been a well-publicised case where a mother was jailed.
It's a good idea if your child is so stressed and frightened by bullying that they can't face school, to telephone the LEA education welfare officer if there is one available (sometimes called an education social worker). You can then explain the situation and ask them to intervene with the school to get the bullying stopped. The education welfare officer's role is to ensure that children do attend school and they normally step in when a school alerts them that a child has been absent for a short period of time but if you feel your child may stop going to school then ask their advice straight away.
Fortunately, most schools now take their responsibilities over bullying very seriously, all state schools are supposed to have anti bullying policies by law. Ask for a copy of that policy and see whether it contains anything to help you to resolve the problem. For instance, it may lay down a procedure to be followed over complaints and explain how those complaints will be treated. Make a note of the way in which your complaints have been dealt with and how they differ from the way they are supposed to be dealt with in the policy.
School refusal
If your child can't face school because of unresolved bullying, ask the LEA pupil support department or education social worker to intervene with the school to get the bullying stopped. You could also ask your doctor if a referral to a specialist like a psychologist for counselling would help.
You could ask your child's head of year to arrange for your child to have access to a particular teacher or pastoral support so they know they have somewhere safe to go if they feel under pressure. You could also ask whether a buddy could be arranged for your child to help them settle back in.
It may also be possible to arrange a phased return to school where your child attends for a few hours a day to build up confidence to return full time.
Advice on making a complaint to your child's school about bullying
If your child has been bullied at school and you are unhappy with the way it has been handled or the bullying has continued, you can write to the school to complain so that they can understand your concerns. It is important to obtain a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy. Below are some templates for the different types of letters you may want to write.
What to do if the school doesn't resolve the bullying
Find out what your next steps are
It can be really distressing for families to find out that the bullying is still continuing even after involving the school. At this point, you may have sought assistance from the class teacher, onto the head teacher and the chair of governors.
Being bullied by a teacher
How to spot the signs and deal with bullying by a teacher
When a child confides in you that they are feeling targeted by a teacher, it can be difficult to know what steps to take. This can be a sensitive issue and it is important to get all the facts from your child so you are well prepared before approaching the school. It is important to note that generally speaking, teachers do a good job, often under stressful circumstances. However, there are times when pupils are being bullied by teaching staff and knowing how to deal with this is essential.
Education blackboard
Gathering all the information from your child
Without disbelieving your child or sounding as though you are, it is important to be able to distinguish whether this is bullying by a teacher or a conflict between your child and teacher over specific reasons. There are some questions you can ask your child in a sensitive manner just to get all the facts, such as:
How long has your child felt this way about this particular teacher?
Has there been any issues of negative behaviour from your child in the class?
Has the teacher acted this way to other students?
Let your child know that you are going to address this and ask them for specific examples that you can use with when and where. If there has been verbal comments that have left your child feeling humiliated or with low self-esteem, find out what was said so you are able to relay this back to the school.
Make some discreet enquiries amongst the parents of your child's friends. Overt unpleasant remarks are likely to be remembered by other children and reported to their parents. If other parents also have concerns about the way their children are being treated then that might indicate a problem. Discuss with your child what sort of remarks are made and in what circumstances. It might be worth speaking informally to a teacher at the school that either you or your child has a good relationship with. They may be able to give you some insight too on what is going on.
If your child is being criticised for not completing work, then a simple call to the head of year, or a note to the teacher explaining the situation and asking for a meeting with them should help to resolve the problem.
Taking this to the school
Depending on your relationship with the school, you might want to take the first step of resolving this by speaking to the head of year. If you feel a teacher is taking issue with your child and it is becoming regular, you might want to consider making a written complaint to the head teacher, and then to the governors if the problem continues. Particularly if as far as you are aware your child has never had a problem with any other teacher. It is important to request a follow up meeting with the head teacher so you are able to give specific examples and explain in detail how this has left your child feeling.
Obtain a copy of the school's mission statement or ethos so you are able to point out that your child is not being treated with the respect or courtesy. Ask for a copy of the school’s complaint policy and follow the necessary steps and follow up everything you can in writing so you have a record of all communication and responses. If you feel you have a genuine concern and the head of year or head teacher hasn't been able to resolve it then make a complaint to the chair of governors.
It is much better to try to sort the problem out diplomatically at a much earlier stage, where possible, because your child is likely to have contact with a teacher over a number of years. Be open to hear what the school have to say, as there may be a behaviour issue in the classroom that you were not aware about so getting all the facts from both the child and the school is important. Try not to overreact and stay calm when speaking to the school. It is normally a good idea to get things on a more formal footing anyway which can carry more weight.
Talking to your child
Supporting your child through this is very important too as your child may be anxious about going to school or really upset about the situation. Give your child space and time to talk about how this has made them feel and encourage them to discuss their feelings openly. They may not want to talk straightaway and perhaps they may feel more able to write down how they feel. For some children, they may feel like they are causing issues, but reassure them that this is not the case and if they are feeling bullied, you are there for them and will get this sorted out. They may need lots of reassurance and comfort at this time so be on hand to be there for them whenever they need your support.
Any disciplinary penalty imposed by a teacher must be proportionate and reasonable in all the circumstances. The teacher must take account of your child’s age and any special educational needs or disability they may have. They must also take account of your child’s religious requirements.
If your child’s school uses detention as a disciplinary penalty, the behaviour policy must make this clear. The school doesn’t have to tell you in advance if your child is given an ‘after school’ detention.
It is not illegal for a teacher to touch a pupil. There are occasions when physical contact with a pupil is proper and necessary. Teachers can remove a disruptive pupil from the classroom or physically intervene to break up a fight, if they judge it necessary to do so.
Schools can ban mobile phones from the premises if they want to. In certain circumstances, the head teacher or an authorised member of school staff can search the content of any mobile phone/computer your child takes into school if they think there is good reason to do so.
Head teachers and authorised members of staff can search your child without their consent for a number of specified items and any item that has been, or could be used, to break the law or cause harm or damage. Your child can also be searched for any item banned by the school rules and identified in the school rules as an item which may be searched for.
A teacher can confiscate your child’s property as a disciplinary penalty. In terms of when your child’s property should be returned, there is no specific time limit in the legislation but teachers are required to act reasonably and should consider factors including your child’s personal circumstances. The teacher can also decide to return the item to you rather than your child.
If your child’s school uses ‘time out’ or ‘seclusion’ rooms as a disciplinary penalty then they should make this clear in the behaviour policy. While it’s up to the school to decide how long a pupil should spend in seclusion and to determine what pupils may and may not do during the time they are there, the school must act reasonably, including allowing the pupil time to eat or use the toilet.
Sample letters
To the Director of Education (at county council/metropolitan HQ, address in phone book).
Dear <name>,
I enclose copies of correspondence with the head teacher and chair of governors of <school> where my child <full name> continues to be bullied.
I have asked what measures the school intends to introduce to deal with bullying. The response has been unsatisfactory because (the bullying has not stopped/ I have not been told what the school is doing about the problem).
Please make a formal investigation into my complaint and issue a report. I have requested access to my child's records and have noticed that (bullying incidents have been recorded/ bullying incidents have not been recorded/ the file fails to reveal what action was taken/the file reveals action was taken but it has not been successful).
Can you please tell me how many other complaints of bullying there have been about this school in the last 12 months? I am formally requesting the help of LEA staff to ensure the safety of my child at this school.
Yours truly,
<Your Name>
To The Secretary of State
(DFE, Sanctuary Buildings, Great Smith Street, Westminster, London, SW1P 3BT, or Department for Education, Castle View House, East Lane, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2GJ)
Dear Secretary of State,
I am writing to you to request you use your authority under sections 496 and 497 of the 1996 Education Act because I believe <LEA/Name of school> is acting unreasonably/illegally by (failing to investigate my complaint of bullying/ failing to supply a copy of my child's school records/ failing to halt bullying).
I enclose copies of my correspondence with the head teacher, chairman of governors and LEA. (Detail specific bullying incidents).
I would be grateful if you investigate this matter and respond to me in a timely manner.
Yours truly,
<Your Name>
What Is Bullying?
Bullying is when a person or group deliberately tries to make someone else feel upset, scared, or ashamed. People often bully others who have any difference of behavior, appearance, culture, race, class, ability, or identity.
Types Of Bullying
• Physical bullying means harming or intimidating someone physically.
• Verbal bullying means taunting or hurtful teasing.
• Psychological bullying means leaving someone out or saying bad things so others will think less of them.
• Cyberbullying means using online and mobile technology to harm someone emotionally and socially.
“I know how to stay safe!”
Most harm caused by bullying is PREVENTABLE!
The following 8 Kidpower skills have helped to prepare countless people of all ages and abilities to prevent and stop bullying. Whether you are a parent, educator, or other caring adult, you can coach young people to practice these bullying prevention skills to protect them from most bullying, increase their confidence, and help them develop positive peer relationships. Whether you are a parent, educator, or other caring adult, when you are coaching someone to practice safety skills, this individual is your student and you are their teacher.
Skill #1: Act with Awareness, Calm, Respect, and Confidence
People are less likely to bother you and more likely to listen to you if you walk, sit, and act with awareness, calm, respect, and confidence. Projecting a positive, assertive attitude means holding your head high, keeping your back straight, walking briskly, looking around, and having a peaceful face and body. Staying aware also helps you to notice problems so that you can deal with them sooner rather than later.
To practice, show young people the difference between being passive, aggressive, and assertive in body language, tone of voice and choice of words. Have your students to walk across the floor, giving them directions on how to be successful by saying, “Walk with Calm Respectful Confidence toward (a location across the space),” and give positive constructive feedback, such as: “Now take bigger steps,” or “Look around you,” or “Straighten your back,” and “That’s great!”
Skill #2: Leave in a Powerful, Positive Way
The best self-defense tactic is called “target denial,” which means “don’t be there.” Leaving an unsafe situation is often the wisest and most effective solution for getting away from trouble. Act out a scenario where a young person is walking in the school corridor (or any other place where they might be bullied). You can pretend to be a bigger kid who is acting aggressively by standing by the wall saying mean things. Ask first what these mean things might be because what is considered insulting or upsetting is different for different people, times, and places. If you can’t think of what to say, just point your finger at the person practicing and yell, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!”
Coach each student to veer around you when you are pretending to bully in order to move out of your reach. Remind students to leave with awareness, calm, and respectful confidence, glancing back to see where the person who is bullying is. Coach your student to leave in an assertive way, saying something neutral in a normal tone of voice like “See you later!” or “Have a nice day!” Point out that stepping out of line or changing seats is often the safest choice for getting away from someone who is acting unsafely.
Skill #3: Set Boundaries About Disrespectful or Unsafe Behavior
Skill #4: Use Your Voice
Skill #5: Protect Your Feelings From Name-Calling and Hurtful Behavior
Skill #6: Speak Up for Positive Inclusion
Skill #7: Be Persistent in Getting Help From Busy Adults
Skill #8: Use Physical Self-Defense as a Last Resort
Adult Leadership in Taking Action to Stop Bullying
Stopping bullying requires that the adults in charge: stay aware, set a good example, intervene to stop unsafe or disrespectful behavior, and teach personal safety skills to the young people in their lives. Make your expectations clear by discussing this Kidpower Safety Message: “You have the right to be safe and respected – and the responsibility to act safety and respectfully towards others. If you have a problem, I want to know!” Make sure kids know they can count on you for help by discussing the Kidpower Protection Promise.
The information contained on this page is based upon the experiences and views of the author. It should not be taken as legal advice. Readers are advised to form their own opinions, and to seek the advice of a qualified legal professional before acting upon any information give on this page.
With that out of the way, here goes...
It would be wonderful to live in a world where bullying doesn't exist, but we all know somebody who has either been bullied, or who has bullied somebody else.
Bullying has always existed, but it's easy to think that it has gotten worse. Undeniably, social media has made it harder for victims of bullying to escape from bullying behaviour, as it allows it to continue even when the victim is not physically present. Once upon a time, people might have talked about you behind your back but you'd have been none-the-wiser. Now, they are as likely to post their thoughts/comments about you online, from where they are easily shared and seen by a large audience.
Bullying in schools can be a particular issue, as the victims (young people) do not yet have fully-developed coping mechanisms for the stresses in life. Fortunately, most school pupils are well behaved, but it can only take a small minority to cause big problems.
Now, the aim of this page is NOT to "sell" our Karate classes, so I'll make one - and only one - comment about them here. Karate can massively boost a young person's self-confidence (it also does wonders for adults, too), and it also teaches important self-defence skills. If you would like more information about our classes, please click here.
Despite my love of (and belief in) Karate, it cannot be the answer to every one of life's problems, so below is some more information about what you can do if your son/daughter is being bullied.
What is bullying?
Bullying can take many forms, including physical, verbal abuse and "cyber-bullying" (bullying via text message and/or the internet). Regardless of it's form, bullying is unacceptable.
Is bullying illegal?
Bullying is not a specific criminal offence, but many forms of bullying could constitute criminal offences. Examples include assault, some types of harassing and/or threatening behaviour, and the sending of malicious communications.
What should I do if my son/daughter is being bullied?
Young people who are being bullied are often reluctant for their parents to become involved, preferring either to hope the bullying stops of its own accord, or to try to "sort things out" on their own.
The decision about when a parent should become involved is obviously a personal one, however I would strongly recommend that parents become involved at an early stage. Why do I recommend this? Bullies will rarely stop just because their victim has asked them to, and if your son r daughter's plan is to "wait it out" until the bully gets bored, they could be in for a very long wait indeed. Furthermore, when a bully suddenly leaves one victim alone, this is often because they've simply moved onto bullying a new victim. If their bullying behaviour against one victim has been overlooked by school staff, chances are it will be with the next victim too, so its in everyone's interests to ensure it is resolved quickly.
So, how to proceed?
Firstly, I would strongly advise against a parent speaking directly to the bully, as it is very easy for allegations to be made by the bully, and suddenly the parent who was innocently trying to sort things out can be accused of being a bully (or worse) themselves.
Sometimes it can be helpful to have a conversation with a parent of the bully, particularly if you know them well. For example, when children become friends, their parents often do too, and when children go on to have a fall-out (for whatever reason, including one starting to exhibit bullying behaviour), parents can often help with addressing inappropriate behaviour and getting the friendship back on track.
That said, I would advise against speaking to a parent directly if you do not know them at all, or if you if you are unsure if your own personal safety might be compromised by doing so. In this case, leave it to the school to deal with.
The next step (or the first step, if you've decided against speaking to the parents of the bully) would be to report the bullying to your child's school.
I would advise that parents personally make the report to the school with their child, rather than letting their son/daughter do it alone. I hear many stories of parents who feel their child has been "fobbed off" by school staff (sadly, responses like "don't tell tales" are still extremely common), but my experience is that parents will often get a better outcome when when making the allegations themselves.
Incidentally, bullying outside school should also be reported to school staff.
Schools should address bullying at the earliest opportunity, and not allow it to escalate to the point where a student suffers emotional or physical distress. Schools should also support the bullied child, not the bully.
New search powers included in the Education Act 2011 have given teachers stronger powers to tackle cyber-bullying (via text message or the internet) by providing a specific power to search for an image on a mobile phone if it is likely to be used to cause harm.
How should the school deal with bullying?
Schools must have a behaviour policy in place, and this should detail the rules which students are expected to follow, and the overall standard of behaviour that is expected of pupils. The policy must include measures to prevent bullying amongst pupils, and it should also state what will happen if students breach any of the rules, or behave in a way which is not consistent with the policy's expectations.
If your child is being bullied, you should ask for a copy of the school's behaviour policy, so you know exactly how the school should be dealing with your allegations of bullying. Schools must publish this policy online, so check the school's website for it. The Head Teacher must also bring it to your attention at least once every school year.
The behaviour policy is shaped by the governing body's written statement of general principles on behaviour, and when making or reviewing this statement, the governing body must consult with parents. This means that if you don't feel the policy is working, you are able to make representations to the governing body about it, with a view to it potentially being changed or properly enforced.
If your child is in an Academy, the the situation is similar, but not quite as ideal. Like schools, academies must have a behaviour policy, and should also write (and put into action) anti-bullying strategies. The governing body must also ensure that there is a written policy to promote good behaviour, and this should detail the sanctions which should take place if pupils misbehave. Whilst an academy’s behaviour policy must be made available to parents and prospective parents, they are not required to consult parents on the behaviour policy (though they may choose to do so).
Don't be fobbed-off, by being told by a school that there's "nothing they can do". Teachers have a legal power to discipline pupils for misbehaviour, or breaches of the school rules. In some circumstances, this legal power also applies to misbehaviour outside school.
In serious cases, where bullying might constitute a specific criminal offence, we would also advise parents to make a report with the police, who may be in a position to carry out their own investigation.
What should I do if my child's school is not following/enforcing their behaviour policy?
If your child's school is not enforcing their behaviour policy (e.g. by sanctioning students who are bullying other students), you should speak to the head teacher in the first instance. If you cannot resolve the matter with the head teacher then you can make a formal complaint to the school’s governing body. You must ensure that you follow the process set out in the school’s complaints procedure.
Your child’s school must have a published complaints procedure – this is usually available from the school office.
Formal written complaints should be held on-file by the school, and may be requested by OFSTED during an inspection, so it is in the school's best interests to ensure that a formal complaint is properly addressed.
What can I do if my child's school is still not preventing my child from being bullied?
Where the governing body or local authority has (a) failed to carry out a duty, and/or (b) has acted unreasonably in the performance of a duty, and/or (c) has failed to exercise a power, the Secretary of State for Education can intervene (and if necessary issue a direction), but it would be rare for complaints to reach this stage, and it may also be time-consuming. Note that you must have completed the local complaints process before the Secretary of State can consider your case.
Can my child take time off school because of bullying?
It is understandable when a student doesn't want to go to school because they are being bullied. Bullying can trigger the so-called "fight or flight" response, and the bullying victim will avoid going into a situation or setting which might put them at risk.
Unfortunately, taking time off school (unless for a reason the school considers valid) can result in parents being issued a penalty notice or even prosecuted for their child's non-attendance. Some schools will be sympathetic, while others may take a less understanding view. It would therefore be best to speak to your child's school before keeping them off school.
If you keep your child off school due to them being bullied, it is important to speak to the school as soon as possible. Be honest with them about why your child is off school so they can investigate the situation. Let the school know that although you are willing to work with them, your child does not feel safe (physically and/or emotionally) at the current point in time.
The school will, no doubt, try to encourage you to get your child to come to school. We would strongly advise you to trust your own instincts about whether that is the best way forwards, or outline conditions which you feel need to be met first.
Can my child's GP help?
It is VERY important to support your child's emotional needs. If they are feeling very low and you are worried then speak to your GP, as they may be able to refer your child for counselling.
How can I reassure my child?
Let your child know that you are there for them, and will support them no matter what. Giving them this level of reassurance will help to give them the strength they need to cope, and will help them to feel empowered.
Your child may feeling a range of different emotions if they are being bullied. These might include sadness, anxiety, fear, depression, anger, or even suicidal thoughts. You can help them by explaining that these types of feeling are normal and understandable, and encourage them to express how they feel so they do not bottle up their feelings.
For children expressing that they are having suicidal thoughts, we would strongly recommend making an appointment with their GP as a matter of urgency.
Where can we (as parents) get further support?
When a child is being bullied, it can be traumatic for their parents, too. Do discuss the situation with anyone in your own support network and if you need further advice or support, you could also contact Bullying UK by calling them on 0808 800 2222.
Can my child strike another child (the bully) in self defence?
OK, so let's address the "elephant in the room"! It is a well-established principle of English Common Law that a person is entitled to use "reasonable force" to defend themselves against attack. A person may even defend themselves or others in certain circumstances by the use of "pre-emptive" force. Although Common Law is unwritten, it is accepted that if you had an "honestly held belief" that you or another are in imminent danger, then you may use such force as is "reasonable and necessary" to avert the danger.
Having said this, the use of physical force (even in self-defence) may well be against a school's behaviour policy, and could result in the bullied person being sanctioned in some way.
Now, we can debate the rights and wrongs of this all day long but, when our daughter was at school, we personally gave her permission to use reasonable force against any student who put her at imminent risk of physical danger, with the promise that we would always back her up providing she had done so in self-defence. We appreciate that not all parents would be comfortable with making their child this promise,
Get in touch with your Local Authority as they may be able to provide practical support through the Education Welfare Officer. They can often make a big difference so children can go back into school quickly and with the continued support they need. They will most likely come up with a plan that everyone is in agreement with to help your child feel more supported.
If this doesn't make a difference you can speak to Ofsted and make a complaint about how things are being dealt with. This should be the last resort if you are unable to come up with a plan or agreement on phasing your child back into school.
It can be really distressing for families to find out that the bullying is still continuing even after involving the school. At this point, you may have sought assistance from the class teacher, onto the head teacher and the chair of governors.
This article provides you with the next steps you can take if you have complained to the school and they have not been able to resolve the bullying.
Contact the governors about bullying
After a written complaint to the head, the next step is to contact the chair of governors. You can get their name from the school office. Write to them at the school address. Explain the background and enclose any letters between you and the head. Ask for an immediate investigation. It's unlikely that all governors will be made aware of your complaint.
This is because many issues are dealt with as 'Chair's Action' and the chair may hope to get the matter resolved with the head teacher quickly. The other reason not all governors will be made aware of the complaint is because the matter may escalate into an exclusion of the bully. If that happens the bullied child's parents will have a right of appeal and there need to be some governors without prior knowledge of the case.
Complaining to the Local Education Authority
If this doesn't work, the next step is for you to make a formal complaint to the Local Education Authority (LEA) and ask for an investigation to be carried out and a report issued. Their aim is to foster good relations between families and schools and will help them work together to get things resolved.
In fairness to LEAs, it should be said that where pupils are removed from one school to another due to bullying the LEA would not necessarily know about the problem unless parents tell them. They do not need to be involved in a school transfer unless there is an appeal for a place.
You may want to ask the LEA if other complaints of bullying have been reported to them involving the same school. You can ask if the education welfare officer has been involved. They have to visit pupils whose parents have removed them and who are at home. This may prompt the LEA into asking if the school has a problem if there have been a series of complaints.
Taking matters further
Local Government Ombudsman - If you do not feel that your concerns have been properly investigated, you can complain to the Local Government Ombudsman - who cannot investigate the internal workings of schools but can look at the LEA's role in investigating your complaint.
Your local Member of Parliament - We would encourage you to get in touch with your MP and ask them for some assistance and support. If you are unsure who your MP is, please click here and enter your details and it will let you know who your MP is.
Secretary of State - Your final recourse is to the Secretary of State, at Sanctuary Buildings, Great Smith Street, Westminster, London or at the DFE, Castle View House, East Lane, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2GJ where your complaint will be dealt with by the Pupils and Parents branch. Officials can only order action to be taken if your child is still a pupil at the school, so if he/she has been removed, there is unlikely to be anything the Secretary of State will do.
Red Balloon - If you feel your child has suffered the trauma of bullying and may find it difficult to return to mainstream school, you may want to find out more about Red Balloon. They provide an 'intensive care' full-time education for children aged between 9 and 18 who are unable to go to school because they have been severely bullied or who have suffered trauma. Moving schools because of bullying could be a last resort option to consider.
Moving school if you are being bullied
moving school because of bullying
Moving schools is not always the answer. You might think that it would be a good idea to move to a new school if you're being bullied but the reality is that there is bullying in all schools, although some deal with it better than others.
All the best schools are already full and it is not always the case that you will get preferential treatment to get into a good school because you're being bullied, or because you're staying at home due to bullying.
You may end up being allocated to a less popular school and less popular often means poorer exam results and discipline problems.
There are often long waiting lists for the best schools and although your parents can appeal to the local council for a place, there's no guarantee you would get one.
Other things to consider are:
the new school may be further away and inconvenient and expensive to get to
the cost of the new uniform
it may be difficult to settle into a class where everyone already has friends
the school may use a different exam board so the coursework could be different
could the problem be resolved with the input of the governors and LA?
missing current friends
do the bullies also have friends at the new school?
If you still want to change school then you simply contact the new one, arrange to have a look around, and if you like it then you agree a start date between you. Things are more complicated if the new school is full. In that case you will need to get an appeal form from the Local Authority. Church schools have their own appeal arrangements. Sometimes, if your reason for moving is good enough, and the school is not over-full, the LA will simply agree to the transfer without an appeal.
Making an appeal
Otherwise, parents have to go before an appeal panel where the LA has to make the case that the pupils already at the school will be more disadvantaged by having your child on roll than your child will be by not being given a place. Usually these schools are not just full, they are hugely over-full and you can't expect that every appeal will be successful.
To give the best chance, it's helpful to have copies of letters to the head teacher, governors and LEA and from your doctor to show that you really have done all you can to try to sort the problem out.
If you simply remove your child and then hope the fact they are not at school will be a lever to getting them into the school of your choice, you're likely to be disappointed. The best schools are always full and have waiting lists and your child is likely to be allocated to a less popular school with vacancies. Less popular often means poorer exam results and discipline.
Why moving school is not always the best option
Although some pupils move schools successfully we know of many others who find it difficult to settle in, who find bullying is still a problem and who end up feeling isolated. If your child moves to another school mid term, encourage them to invite other pupils home so that they have the chance to build up some good friendships.
If your child is transferring from primary school and you're worried that he/she may have continuing problems with bullies, contact the head of first year at the secondary school before the end of the summer term and explain the problem. Ask if your child can be put into a different form away from anyone who has been bullying him/her.
Secondary schools are normally very helpful because they don't want pupils to have a difficult start to their new school life.
Advice on contacting your child's school about bullying
Helpful information on what steps you can take
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In the first instance, at a primary or junior school, see the class teacher and explain your worries in a friendly non-confrontational way. Here are some questions that we suggest you consider:
Ask how your child is getting on with others in class and raise any issues of conflict with other children.
Ask if the teacher has noticed that your child seems unhappy and isolated and is being excluded from games in the playground or regularly not having a partner to work with in class.
Ask the class teacher, or the head of year at secondary school, if he/she can keep an eye on the situation and let you know if they have any concerns.
Ask what the teacher suggests would be the best way of sorting it out. At a primary school perhaps the supervisors could take a more active role in the playground by keeping an eye on your child and ensuring that people are not excluded from games.
Ask the school if they would consider introducing "friendship seats" or a "buddy bench" if they don’t already, where younger children can go if they have nobody to play with. Other pupils can ask them to join their games and the supervisors can spot whether one child is on their own too often.
Secondary schools
Secondary schools may not be aware that there are some areas of the school pupils feel unsafe, the toilets often come into this category.
By telling the head of year where the bullying is happening, supervision can be increased so that the bullies are caught red handed, meaning that your child can't be accused of telling tales.
At this stage it can be helpful to try to increase your child's circle of friends, by inviting a number of children home regularly, to forge stronger friendships.
If bullying continues
Keep a diary of what your child says is happening. This should include dates, times and details of the incident together with any witnesses
Write a note to the class teacher or head of year, explaining that the problem is still unresolved and ask for their support in helping to tackle this.
Suggest that contact between the bully and your child is monitored and limited, perhaps by the bully moving to another table or set
Ask for your letter to be put onto your child's school file, together with a note of action taken. You can ask to see a copy of your child’s record to ensure that these have been accurately recorded although you will probably have to pay for copying charges
Ask for a follow-up meeting after a couple of weeks to discuss how things are going
That often does the trick, but if not, it's time to write to the head teacher, outlining everything that has gone on, and including evidence from the diary to back up your complaint. You also have the option of copying this to the Board of Governors. Putting a complaint in writing is essential so that there is a record of your concern and this puts the situation on a more formal footing.
Schools have a duty of care, and allowing a child to be continually bullied when the school has been alerted to the problem could be seen as a breach of that duty.
Schools have a variety of sanctions they can use including
A warning
Calling the bully's parents in to school
Detention
Internal exclusion within school
Fixed term exclusion
Permanent exclusion
If bullying is happening in the changing rooms, in the corridors or playground then ask for supervision to be increased. If the school says it does not have the resources then explain that you are not asking for all the children to receive increased supervision, only the bully.
Ask for a copy of your complaint to the head teacher to be answered in writing and for a copy of it to be put onto your child's school file with a note of action taken.
If the school asks you to go in to discuss the matter, then try to take a partner or friend with you for a bit of moral support. Make notes of the points you want to make beforehand and be firm and polite. Don't get into an argument.
After each visit send a letter to the school outlining the points of the meeting and action you have been told they will be taking.
You can complain to the police if your child has been assaulted at school. Police forces in the UK have school liaison officers who are experienced at dealing with school-related issues.
The age of criminal responsibility in England and Wales in 10 and if the attacker is younger than this the police will probably not be able to do anything. However, they are often very good at warning bullies off in front of their parents.
Attacks by older pupils may result in cautions or prosecution, particularly if injury is involved.
Bullying UK hears from children who are either suicidal now, or who have been in the past on a regular basis. Some of those pupils are receiving psychiatric or psychological help or counselling.
If your child is particularly unhappy then take them to the doctor so that their distress can be recorded and if appropriate, medication or counselling can be started. A letter from your doctor to the school stressing the effect bullying is having on your child's health can also be helpful. Some children self-harm due to the stress of bullying and signs of this could be not wanting to wear short sleeved tops or preferring to wear trousers even in the hottest weather. Please be aware that there are a number of very dangerous self-harm 'advice' websites on the internet and teenage girls in particular are at risk of being targeted by adults in them.
Warning of prosecution
If your child is taking time off school you're likely to be warned you may face prosecution unless you are teaching them at home. Unfair though it may be, keeping a child at home due to bullying is considered to be an unauthorised absence.
Children staying at home in these cases are regarded as truants or an unauthorised absence and there has been a well-publicised case where a mother was jailed.
It's a good idea if your child is so stressed and frightened by bullying that they can't face school, to telephone the LEA education welfare officer if there is one available (sometimes called an education social worker). You can then explain the situation and ask them to intervene with the school to get the bullying stopped. The education welfare officer's role is to ensure that children do attend school and they normally step in when a school alerts them that a child has been absent for a short period of time but if you feel your child may stop going to school then ask their advice straight away.
Fortunately, most schools now take their responsibilities over bullying very seriously, all state schools are supposed to have anti bullying policies by law. Ask for a copy of that policy and see whether it contains anything to help you to resolve the problem. For instance, it may lay down a procedure to be followed over complaints and explain how those complaints will be treated. Make a note of the way in which your complaints have been dealt with and how they differ from the way they are supposed to be dealt with in the policy.
School refusal
If your child can't face school because of unresolved bullying, ask the LEA pupil support department or education social worker to intervene with the school to get the bullying stopped. You could also ask your doctor if a referral to a specialist like a psychologist for counselling would help.
You could ask your child's head of year to arrange for your child to have access to a particular teacher or pastoral support so they know they have somewhere safe to go if they feel under pressure. You could also ask whether a buddy could be arranged for your child to help them settle back in.
It may also be possible to arrange a phased return to school where your child attends for a few hours a day to build up confidence to return full time.
Advice on making a complaint to your child's school about bullying
If your child has been bullied at school and you are unhappy with the way it has been handled or the bullying has continued, you can write to the school to complain so that they can understand your concerns. It is important to obtain a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy. Below are some templates for the different types of letters you may want to write.
What to do if the school doesn't resolve the bullying
Find out what your next steps are
It can be really distressing for families to find out that the bullying is still continuing even after involving the school. At this point, you may have sought assistance from the class teacher, onto the head teacher and the chair of governors.
Being bullied by a teacher
How to spot the signs and deal with bullying by a teacher
When a child confides in you that they are feeling targeted by a teacher, it can be difficult to know what steps to take. This can be a sensitive issue and it is important to get all the facts from your child so you are well prepared before approaching the school. It is important to note that generally speaking, teachers do a good job, often under stressful circumstances. However, there are times when pupils are being bullied by teaching staff and knowing how to deal with this is essential.
Education blackboard
Gathering all the information from your child
Without disbelieving your child or sounding as though you are, it is important to be able to distinguish whether this is bullying by a teacher or a conflict between your child and teacher over specific reasons. There are some questions you can ask your child in a sensitive manner just to get all the facts, such as:
How long has your child felt this way about this particular teacher?
Has there been any issues of negative behaviour from your child in the class?
Has the teacher acted this way to other students?
Let your child know that you are going to address this and ask them for specific examples that you can use with when and where. If there has been verbal comments that have left your child feeling humiliated or with low self-esteem, find out what was said so you are able to relay this back to the school.
Make some discreet enquiries amongst the parents of your child's friends. Overt unpleasant remarks are likely to be remembered by other children and reported to their parents. If other parents also have concerns about the way their children are being treated then that might indicate a problem. Discuss with your child what sort of remarks are made and in what circumstances. It might be worth speaking informally to a teacher at the school that either you or your child has a good relationship with. They may be able to give you some insight too on what is going on.
If your child is being criticised for not completing work, then a simple call to the head of year, or a note to the teacher explaining the situation and asking for a meeting with them should help to resolve the problem.
Taking this to the school
Depending on your relationship with the school, you might want to take the first step of resolving this by speaking to the head of year. If you feel a teacher is taking issue with your child and it is becoming regular, you might want to consider making a written complaint to the head teacher, and then to the governors if the problem continues. Particularly if as far as you are aware your child has never had a problem with any other teacher. It is important to request a follow up meeting with the head teacher so you are able to give specific examples and explain in detail how this has left your child feeling.
Obtain a copy of the school's mission statement or ethos so you are able to point out that your child is not being treated with the respect or courtesy. Ask for a copy of the school’s complaint policy and follow the necessary steps and follow up everything you can in writing so you have a record of all communication and responses. If you feel you have a genuine concern and the head of year or head teacher hasn't been able to resolve it then make a complaint to the chair of governors.
It is much better to try to sort the problem out diplomatically at a much earlier stage, where possible, because your child is likely to have contact with a teacher over a number of years. Be open to hear what the school have to say, as there may be a behaviour issue in the classroom that you were not aware about so getting all the facts from both the child and the school is important. Try not to overreact and stay calm when speaking to the school. It is normally a good idea to get things on a more formal footing anyway which can carry more weight.
Talking to your child
Supporting your child through this is very important too as your child may be anxious about going to school or really upset about the situation. Give your child space and time to talk about how this has made them feel and encourage them to discuss their feelings openly. They may not want to talk straightaway and perhaps they may feel more able to write down how they feel. For some children, they may feel like they are causing issues, but reassure them that this is not the case and if they are feeling bullied, you are there for them and will get this sorted out. They may need lots of reassurance and comfort at this time so be on hand to be there for them whenever they need your support.
Any disciplinary penalty imposed by a teacher must be proportionate and reasonable in all the circumstances. The teacher must take account of your child’s age and any special educational needs or disability they may have. They must also take account of your child’s religious requirements.
If your child’s school uses detention as a disciplinary penalty, the behaviour policy must make this clear. The school doesn’t have to tell you in advance if your child is given an ‘after school’ detention.
It is not illegal for a teacher to touch a pupil. There are occasions when physical contact with a pupil is proper and necessary. Teachers can remove a disruptive pupil from the classroom or physically intervene to break up a fight, if they judge it necessary to do so.
Schools can ban mobile phones from the premises if they want to. In certain circumstances, the head teacher or an authorised member of school staff can search the content of any mobile phone/computer your child takes into school if they think there is good reason to do so.
Head teachers and authorised members of staff can search your child without their consent for a number of specified items and any item that has been, or could be used, to break the law or cause harm or damage. Your child can also be searched for any item banned by the school rules and identified in the school rules as an item which may be searched for.
A teacher can confiscate your child’s property as a disciplinary penalty. In terms of when your child’s property should be returned, there is no specific time limit in the legislation but teachers are required to act reasonably and should consider factors including your child’s personal circumstances. The teacher can also decide to return the item to you rather than your child.
If your child’s school uses ‘time out’ or ‘seclusion’ rooms as a disciplinary penalty then they should make this clear in the behaviour policy. While it’s up to the school to decide how long a pupil should spend in seclusion and to determine what pupils may and may not do during the time they are there, the school must act reasonably, including allowing the pupil time to eat or use the toilet.
Sample letters
To the Director of Education (at county council/metropolitan HQ, address in phone book).
Dear <name>,
I enclose copies of correspondence with the head teacher and chair of governors of <school> where my child <full name> continues to be bullied.
I have asked what measures the school intends to introduce to deal with bullying. The response has been unsatisfactory because (the bullying has not stopped/ I have not been told what the school is doing about the problem).
Please make a formal investigation into my complaint and issue a report. I have requested access to my child's records and have noticed that (bullying incidents have been recorded/ bullying incidents have not been recorded/ the file fails to reveal what action was taken/the file reveals action was taken but it has not been successful).
Can you please tell me how many other complaints of bullying there have been about this school in the last 12 months? I am formally requesting the help of LEA staff to ensure the safety of my child at this school.
Yours truly,
<Your Name>
To The Secretary of State
(DFE, Sanctuary Buildings, Great Smith Street, Westminster, London, SW1P 3BT, or Department for Education, Castle View House, East Lane, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2GJ)
Dear Secretary of State,
I am writing to you to request you use your authority under sections 496 and 497 of the 1996 Education Act because I believe <LEA/Name of school> is acting unreasonably/illegally by (failing to investigate my complaint of bullying/ failing to supply a copy of my child's school records/ failing to halt bullying).
I enclose copies of my correspondence with the head teacher, chairman of governors and LEA. (Detail specific bullying incidents).
I would be grateful if you investigate this matter and respond to me in a timely manner.
Yours truly,
<Your Name>
What Is Bullying?
Bullying is when a person or group deliberately tries to make someone else feel upset, scared, or ashamed. People often bully others who have any difference of behavior, appearance, culture, race, class, ability, or identity.
Types Of Bullying
• Physical bullying means harming or intimidating someone physically.
• Verbal bullying means taunting or hurtful teasing.
• Psychological bullying means leaving someone out or saying bad things so others will think less of them.
• Cyberbullying means using online and mobile technology to harm someone emotionally and socially.
“I know how to stay safe!”
Most harm caused by bullying is PREVENTABLE!
The following 8 Kidpower skills have helped to prepare countless people of all ages and abilities to prevent and stop bullying. Whether you are a parent, educator, or other caring adult, you can coach young people to practice these bullying prevention skills to protect them from most bullying, increase their confidence, and help them develop positive peer relationships. Whether you are a parent, educator, or other caring adult, when you are coaching someone to practice safety skills, this individual is your student and you are their teacher.
Skill #1: Act with Awareness, Calm, Respect, and Confidence
People are less likely to bother you and more likely to listen to you if you walk, sit, and act with awareness, calm, respect, and confidence. Projecting a positive, assertive attitude means holding your head high, keeping your back straight, walking briskly, looking around, and having a peaceful face and body. Staying aware also helps you to notice problems so that you can deal with them sooner rather than later.
To practice, show young people the difference between being passive, aggressive, and assertive in body language, tone of voice and choice of words. Have your students to walk across the floor, giving them directions on how to be successful by saying, “Walk with Calm Respectful Confidence toward (a location across the space),” and give positive constructive feedback, such as: “Now take bigger steps,” or “Look around you,” or “Straighten your back,” and “That’s great!”
Skill #2: Leave in a Powerful, Positive Way
The best self-defense tactic is called “target denial,” which means “don’t be there.” Leaving an unsafe situation is often the wisest and most effective solution for getting away from trouble. Act out a scenario where a young person is walking in the school corridor (or any other place where they might be bullied). You can pretend to be a bigger kid who is acting aggressively by standing by the wall saying mean things. Ask first what these mean things might be because what is considered insulting or upsetting is different for different people, times, and places. If you can’t think of what to say, just point your finger at the person practicing and yell, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!”
Coach each student to veer around you when you are pretending to bully in order to move out of your reach. Remind students to leave with awareness, calm, and respectful confidence, glancing back to see where the person who is bullying is. Coach your student to leave in an assertive way, saying something neutral in a normal tone of voice like “See you later!” or “Have a nice day!” Point out that stepping out of line or changing seats is often the safest choice for getting away from someone who is acting unsafely.
Skill #3: Set Boundaries About Disrespectful or Unsafe Behavior
Skill #4: Use Your Voice
Skill #5: Protect Your Feelings From Name-Calling and Hurtful Behavior
Skill #6: Speak Up for Positive Inclusion
Skill #7: Be Persistent in Getting Help From Busy Adults
Skill #8: Use Physical Self-Defense as a Last Resort
Adult Leadership in Taking Action to Stop Bullying
Stopping bullying requires that the adults in charge: stay aware, set a good example, intervene to stop unsafe or disrespectful behavior, and teach personal safety skills to the young people in their lives. Make your expectations clear by discussing this Kidpower Safety Message: “You have the right to be safe and respected – and the responsibility to act safety and respectfully towards others. If you have a problem, I want to know!” Make sure kids know they can count on you for help by discussing the Kidpower Protection Promise.
